The coonery that is: Basketball Wives

Now, unless you've been living under a rock (or stuck in some omnish town), you've seen the JOKE that is "Basketball Wives".. To sum it up in a sense, it's a "reality" show about 6 chicks who have SOME type of involvement with a basketball player in the NBA. I don't know WHO that chick is 3rd from the left.. I haven't seen her on ONE episode, but I digress. Let's get to know these basketball heffas. First we have:

Jennifer (far left): The ONLY WIFE on the show. She has the most annoying voice and she sounds like she has some dry bread stuck in the back of her throat that needs to be washed down with an ice cold beverage, STAT. She's also an attention whore who seems to feel the need to let all of her friends know the ins and outs of her failing marriage to ex basketball player Eric Williams. Not to mention, she sort of looks a little transvestite-ish. *shrugs* But i MUST say, her weaves are off the CHAIN! I've always admired the natural looking weaves she rocks.

Royce (second from left): The dancer (as some would call, the "groupie") who is reportedly the mother of Dwight Howard's baby. She has danced for both Orlando Magic and Miami Heat. When I first started watching the show, she was one of my favorites because she sort of stayed out of the drama. But as the end of the show came near, I started not to be able to STAND her. To be a mother, she's extremely immature when it comes to fellow cast-mate Gloria. After the beef started with Glo, Royce got MAD annoying to me. Her smile disgusts me, might I add. Why she is even a part of the show, I don't know. But hey anything for ratings, I guess.

*skips random chick*

Shaunie (middle): The creator of the whole concept of the show as well as the ex wife of basketball star Shaquille O'Neal. She seems like the peacemaker of all the drama. But I believe she's EVIL. She's hardly on the show, and it seems like she gets everyone to do her dirty work for her, while she looks like the innocent by-stander trying to calm everything down. #iseeyou Shaunie!

Evelyn (third from right): The dog-looking ex "fiance" of basketball player Antoine Walker. Sorry yall, but her face looks a little dog-like... I'd say like a bull dog without all the wrinkles. But anywho, she is one of the main "characters" on the show and is always waist-deep in the drama be it hanging out and getting messy drunk with a 22-year-old, or giving an arch nemesis an inpromtu shower. She LOVES throwing drinks on anyone she has a problem with... In my opinion, she's just plain messy. Of course there are some instances where people just can't HELP but get gangsta, but Evelyn needs to re-evaluate when these times are, because she has the game TWISTED. Let her get bold with a hood chick!! Pshhhh, chile boo!

Suzie (second from right): Another ex boo thang, this one with basketball player Michael Olowokondi. She randomly popped up after the first couple episodes and I had no idea who she was. She's another drink thrower, btw. Like I said about Ms. Evelyn, let her get buck with a gangsta girl! SMH. There's nothing much to say about her, except for the fact that she needs a cosultation with a doctor to get her some Invisalign.. Her bottom teeth are JACKED.

And then, there is:

Gloria (far right): Or as Royce has named her, "Ms. Perfect". She is the fiance to basketball player Matthew Barnes. She has a whole meat factory of beef with dancer Royce. Her favorite line seems to be "that's what's up". I don't know where that who ghetto girl act came from, but she needs to quit. Now, this chick here is shady in my opinion. Her sister is allegedly fooling around with Shaunie's ex hubby Shaq (Shaunie and Gloria are "friends"), but Gloria holds firm to her "family first" mentality. Like dog fa--I mean Evelyn was saying in the finale episode, it doesn't matter if they're sisters. WRONG IS WRONG! How are you going to back your sister up when she is CLEARLY doing something shady? Just doesn't seem right. I guess if her sister stabs a homeless person, Glo will be right there preaching "family first" and being on her side too, huh? SMH

So basically, these basketball hoes have NO right to be on this show.. Well everyone except Jennifer, for now. Gloria doesn't even have a right to be on the show, because until it becomes legal, she's technically just a girlfriend. If ya like it then ya should put a ring on. But if ya LOVE it then ya should GO THROUGH with it (the wedding). How are you going to make a show and title it basketball WIVES, when there are no wives? Even Jennifer is on thin ice. She's on the verge of DIVORCE! Ugh, this show is so irritating, but I can't look away. Well this season is over, but you can be sure to see more coonery on the reunion show airing June 20th at 10pm. Apparently the show is going to be CRAZY because word on the street is that cast-mate Suzie got arrested during taping, SMH. I'll be watching.. will you?

Signed,

I-think-I'm-an-insomniac